Here comes Goodbye
by EdwardsEvilAngel
Summary: When Edward left ,Bella falls apart.Alice gets a vision and the cullens come back.I suck at summarys.Dark themes Cutting/suicide Drugs/drinking
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This was originally a Buffy fic but Twilight is kind of my new addiction sooo… This is my first fic on Fan fiction .net but I've been reading for about two years .I decided to finally write something after a creative writing English essay. I don't know how well that's gone yet ,if it's ok im will post it or write it into this , if it's bad I'll probably never write anything again and you wont hear from me anymore. Only constructive criticism Please: ) Im hoping for something dark so if you don't like angst you're in the wrong place.**

**DISCLAIMER:I don't own anything blah blah blah …please don't sue.**

**Bella POV**

I sat in the cold wooden chair , resting my head on my bony knees , staring blankly out the window .

It's all I do now . I don't care though , I don't care about anything .Charlie knows that as well as I do.

I can tell he's worried about me , I can understand why but I just don't seem to care .I stopped eating , sleeping , I stopped everything . I stopped feeling that day, it was like my soul had been ripped out. I've tried to make myself feel , about 3 weeks after they left , I started cutting. I thought I could get rid of the constant never ending pain in my heart , and it works , for a while I cant feel it.

Charlie hasn't noticed , I always wear long sleeves now it's a good thing this damn hellhole has such crappy weather.

I didn't jump when my alarm suddenly started whining at me. I'd been awake for hours completely out of it. Watching the clouds and the few drops of rain. My eyes were bloodshot and my face was paler than ever ,I grabbed my make up and clothes for the day and wearily made my way to the bathroom .

I brushed my teeth and jumped in the shower , spending nearly half an hour in the ice cold water. The cold reminded me of him and I hated it ,but I just couldn't get enough.

Charlie was already up and had made me breakfast , he was doing that a lot recently he'd practically force me to sit and eat with him. He kept saying he wanted to spend more time with me but I know its because of how thin I'd got.

I sat in front of him pushing the food round with my fork. He was staring at me. I avoided his eyes for as long as I could .

"I want you to go to Jacksonville" he told me quietly.

I put down my fork and looked down. _He cant make me go anywhere can he?_

"No" _You sound pathetic. Was that really my voice?_ My voice came out weak and raspy , I'm surprised he heard me.

"Im worried about you, everyone is ,your mom ,Phil. Even the school has phoned me about you ,this behaviour is not normal, you're scaring me Bella." For a moment I swear I could see tears in his eyes.

"You need a fresh start ,time to clear your head make new friends, I don't think you can do that here in forks" He finished.

"No dad ,I don't want to go. I like it here with you" _If I stay with mom she'll find out about the cutting. I __**cant**__ go._

"Bella , you need to get out start speaking to people ,have fun for once."

"I will , Tomorrow im going shopping with Jessica" I lied.

"You hate shopping"

"I know but …I need a girls night out" He has to be stupid to believe that.

"Ok a girls night out" I cant believe he actually bought that.

5 minutes later he let for work ,I waited for his police car to disappear then ran back upstairs to our shared bathroom. I grabbed the razor from its hiding spot. Somewhere I know Charlie would _never _look. And held it up to my pressure to one of my half healed cuts. Watching the blood trickle slowly down my arm.

Leaning back against the wall I breathed in a few deep breathes and felt my body relax. I made 3 more cuts and noticed the time .Im late for school again.

I grabbed my things and jumped in my truck and sped to school. The halls were empty and everyone was in first lesson. .

I hated it now I hated school in general. Everything reminds me of _him_.

I kept my head down and walked in hoping that his name was didn't notice.

"Nice of you to join us Miss Swan" He said just before I sat down, Sarcasm dripping in his voice and a smirk on his face.

God he thinks he's so funny.

"What was that Isabella?"

I say that out loud.

"Im afraid you did , and mind your language and your manners. I'll see you in detention." He almost yelled .

"Ow Fuck off" I know I said that out loud

He completely lost it then, the class started laughing and I just stood there with him yelling at me. I didn't really listen ,I was waiting for him to send me to the head. When he eventually did I quickly left the room slamming the door. I heard mike yelling good one Bella a the top of his voice.

At least someone was happy.


	2. Making friends

**AN: Hey , Sorry the last chapter was so short. When I re-read it I noticed I made some really bad errors sorry people .I'm not feeling to good right now. I'm not usually that stupid. Well I hope not.**

**I'd Like to say a HUGE thank you to titanterror12 .My first review. EVER. Like I said my previous attempts at fanfic didn't go to well.**

**Please review it makes me happy. And it will hopefully make me feel better. :P**

Bella POV

I didn't go to the . I'm not in the mood for more shouting. My head hurts enough.

I quickly found the girls toilets and checked to see if anybody else was in there. Finding it empty ,I sat in a cubicle and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.3 cigarettes later someone came in.

I knew who it was immediately.

"B ,you in there?" Faith called out.

She never needed to say anything ,nobody came in here but us. She had English when I had biology. One of the increasing number of lessons we skipped. It's how we met.

(Flashback)

_I'd just been sent to the heads .That biology teacher hates me. _

_Maybe its because I drove away his best pupil._

_I sat down on one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs outside Office. He's gonna kill me. I said to myself. Everybody knows he's evil , he goes completely over the top at everything, he's psycho._

_I looked round. Nobody was here. I stood up and walked out and down the hall._

_I heard , high heels clicking ,coming in my direction and ducked into the girls toilets , closing the door as quietly as I could._

"_You ditching" The voice suddenly behind me made me jump. I turned to see a girl about my height, slightly older than me , black hair and wearing rockerish clothes. With a cigarette in her hand._

_I hesitated slightly before answering._

"_Yeah ,you gonna tell?" _

_She chuckled softly "Only if you don't" _

_She took a long drag on her cigarette and looked up at me._

"_You want one" She asked reaching in her pocket pulling out a pack of cigarettes and offering it to me._

_I paused _

_Before I could blink __**He **__appeared next to me. _

"_No Bella , go back to class think about what you're doing" He told me , a pained yet commanding look in his eye._

_Why should I listen to him? He's not part of my life anymore._

"_Sure" I told her , taking a cigarette. She tossed me her lighter and I took my first drag. She laughed again when I started coughing._

"_First time huh? I'm faith" she said reaching out a hand for me to shake._

"_Bella" I answered. Just before our hands touched my sleeve rolled back to reveal the cuts I made earlier. I pulled back my hand hoping she hadn't noticed._

_She stared at my wrist ,now covered and I knew she'd seen them. _

_Noticing the panic on my face she said gently_

"_Hey , don't worry about it , we all got problems" She then pulled up her sleeve to show me her many similar cuts._

_We both took another drag on our cigarettes .She reached in her pocket again and tossed me an un opened pack and a lighter._

"_keep them they help. Trust me" She told me._

_I tucked them in my bag and we got talking. We ended up climbing out the window ,and getting pissed out our brains in the woods. I saw Edw.. Him a few times .looking at me with disappointment plastered on that perfect face. I ignored him._

Since that day me and faith were best friends. I didn't need jess or Angela or Alice. I didn't tell Charlie about her though she told me she had a bit of a reputation. He had no clue to the habits I'd picked up.

And I hoped he would never find out ,more than that I hoped the Cullen's would never find out. Not that I care. Of course I don't.

They don't care about me ,so I don't care about them.

Simple.

Right?

"Yeah ,as usual" I laughed walking out to greet her.

"Check out what I got last night" she smiled walked over to the sink and pulled out a plastic bag. I glanced over her shoulder to see little bags full of powder and a small bag of pills.

Cocaine and ecstasy.

"Finally" I sighed "I was beginning to think you'd never get any. Here" I said handing over the money I owed her.

She pulled out her English book and made 4 lines and using the money I gave her she snorted it up , I followed her lead and we both began to feel the familiar effects. We then cleaned up our mess and she put the bag away till later.

"Come on , I know a guy that's having a party in about half an hour down in the woods" she said dragging me to the window where we both climbed out.

It was stupid. Going out in the woods knowing that there was …people out there that could kill us all within a minute. _He _warned me the first time Faith took me to one of these party's .I ignored him again and he soon faded away.

It should worry me that I keep seeing this image of him. Maybe I'm crazy.

It can't be the drugs. I saw him before all that. Faith always said I was psycho .

We got to her 'house' in record time. We both changed into clothes I NEVER would have wore before. We headed out to the clearing in the woods where the party always was. It got a little out of control most of the time , that's why we had the perfect spot. No body would hear us shouting at each other while pissed out of our minds.

It also was perfect because we were all supposed to be at school , who'd think to look here. The cops used to break up our parties before they even began, that was when we had them at ..Barry no Larry…wait Harry, Harry's house.

I was lucky Charlie never found me there.

The clearing was usually covered in alcohol bottles ,needles and things I don't even want to think about.

It was always the same people which was good, you knew who to get what from.

We were the ones the teachers gave up on ,we didn't do work , didn't turn up to lessons and they'd stopped looking for us when we ditched. Of course they wouldn't admit it .

The party was really going when we got there.

And me and faith were wide awake and looking for a party.

The drugs make feel great , all the pain fades away .

Someone offered us some ecstasy and cigarettes and we both took some.

Everyone at these parties had a deal we all give money to 's the one who organises all this ,and he gets enough drugs alcohol and cigarettes for everyone.

Cool. Huh.

We stayed till it got dark , every colour every sound was enhanced by the drugs , we all were so alert it was amazing.

It was nearing the end now. A lot of people had passed out ,including Faith and I could feel myself slipping away.

Before I knew it I was falling to the ground my vision blurring and fading to black.

**AN. Personally I don't think much to this chapter , please tell me what you think.**

**Next chapter should be up Sunday at the very latest. Could be tomorrow but really aren't feeling to good so maybe not.**

**Please review if you want more : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN. I NEED HELP . I have gone over everything and checked both chapters , and the mistakes have only appeared AFTER I've uploaded ,it's taking words out. If anyone knows how to stop it please tell me. I haven't been to school today so I've got a lot of time to update. **

**I was forced to drink a hot lemon thingy. YAK. They could at least make it taste better. **

**Big thanks to - Kaaayyytteee**

**-Black Tattoo 666**

**For reviewing the last chapter .And to all those adding this to story alert and favourites.**

Before I knew it I was falling to the ground my vision blurring and fading to black.

**Bella POV**

I woke to a Heard of elephants bouncing around my skull. Moaning with annoyance I rolled over and opened my eyes.

I was still lying on the damp grass next to Faith. I could tell a few people had already left And Harry was doing his best to clean up a bit.

"We really trashed it here last night" He told me pointing to the ground around him. Someone had started a fire when it got dark so there was a mound of ash and burnt crap.

I didn't reply , I sat up and shook Faith. She was usually quick to wake but after a night like yesterdays it could take forever.

"Leave me alone" She mumbled.

"My dad's gonna kill me" I muttered then remembered yesterdays talk. "oh Crap, I told him I was shopping with Jess today"

She was listening now , and started to laugh . "He believed that ,god I wish my dad was that stupid"

She told me about her dad ages ago , he was a drunk ever since her mom died he stopped caring about her. He'd started hitting her so she avoided going home as much as possible.

"You want to do something instead" I asked.

"Sorry B , Derek's taking me out today"

Derek was her boyfriend , I never liked him but he was good to Faith and made her happy so I didn't care.

"I refuse to spend the day with Jessica , I'd rather be on my own"

"Are you sure , I'm sure she could help you find a nice pink dress some shoes make up" she laughed sarcastically

We hated Jessica , hated Mike ,Angela all of them. We both decided they were all way to happy with there pathetic little lives. They had no clue though .

"I better get home before my dad wakes up" I told her glancing at my watch. 6:22 .I will just make it home. She gave me the plastic bag of drugs and we said our goodbyes and I started walking home and stopped to throw up a couple of times.

When I got in Charlie was sitting in the kitchen , he saw me and walked up to me angrily.

"Where the hell have you been?" He fumed.

"I stayed at Jess' for the night" Lying to people had got so easy.

His face lost most of his anger and his voice softened.

"Just tell me next time , I was worried , but I'm glad you're getting back with your old friends"

"I'm just gonna go take a shower and change" I said beginning to walk away.

"You should try get some sleep , it's still early and I left some breakfast for you."

"Ok thanks cha.. Dad"

"I better get to work , I might get back pretty late tonight" he told me kissing my cheek and going out the door.

I ran upstairs and to my room , I glanced at my bed . I don't like sleeping anymore ,I was tired, but all I do is lie awake .Insomnia. The heroin will fix that.

I opened my cupboard and pulled out heroin. I injected it quickly and professionally and then grabbed some clothes. I walked across the hall to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Before getting in I looked in the mirror. I could count my ribs. My collarbone and hips were sticking out sharply. I looked like a skeleton .

I stood in the cold shower and grabbed a razor , I made 4 new cuts and reopened 2 old ones. I started crying ,no sobbing .I don't have a clue why my vision blurred with the tears and I watched the blood drain away.

I got dressed still sobbing. And collapsed against the door. My heart was racing and I could hardly breathe.

I thought I was gonna pass out .I stood up on shaky legs and went back to my room. And lay down on the bed. The good thing about heroin was it made you sleepy .I couldn't get to sleep without it.

I woke after about 3 hours, and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I washed and brushed my teeth and headed out to my truck.

I drove for half an hour. When I noticed where I was .I was at _there _house. I sat there for hours just staring at it.

It was getting dark now , and I drove to Port Angeles . I saw some lame movie. And half way through I got a text from Faith telling me to meet her. I stood up and headed to the toilets , I snorted 2 lines of cocaine. After a few minutes I began to feel wide awake ,I wanted to dance or do something .

As I walked out to my truck , there was some guys yelling at me from an alley. They reminded me of the guys Edward saved me from.

I took a step towards them. He appeared beside me.

"Turn around Bella" He said forcefully, _God I miss that angelic voice. _"You promised you wouldn't do anything reckless"

"Yeah, and you promised you'd never leave me. You lied." I walked past him and straight up to one guy on a bike.

"We got a taker." Some one said

The biker dude stared at me and raised an eyebrow.

I jumped on the back of the bike and he slurred something to me as he started it up. He was pissed, I could smell the alcohol. But I'm not bothered.

We speed round for about an hour when I remembered Faith.

I got back to my truck. And went to meet Faith at the park. When I got there she was alone on a swing with a ciggarette in her hands.

"Where the hell have you been" she said. She wasn't angry though she never got angry.

"I just had the best hour of my life, It was such a rush"

I told her about everything on the way back to my house. We sat in my room smoking by the window .With a bottle of vodka.

It was about half ten when she jumped up.

"I got an idea" She yelled and climbed out the window.

"Where you going" I slurred down at her.

"Meet me tomorrow at my house ,your gonna love this" She shouted back and ran of down the road.

I finished the cigarette and the vodka. And lay down on my bed I lay awake staring at the ceiling.

My thoughts lead back to him. And every moment we shared together.

I was getting tired of always seeing his face. Always thinking about him. I hate him for doing this to me.

I grabbed a razor from my bedside table and Made some new cuts .I let the pain wash away with the blood.

I reached for my bag ,pulled out another bottle of vodka and drank myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey. I'm so glad people are reading this and hopefully enjoying it.

Big thanks to everyone reviewing.

Not sure how this chapters gonna turn out ,had a bad night .I was woken up at 20 to 4 this morning by my sister . She went insane. Literally. She wasn't making any sense ,she kept mumbling about not being able to play the keyboard. It was really scary. I thought she'd had a nightmare but it turns out she dreamt her name wasn't spelt right.???????

My families in sane.

I'm really excited to bring the Cullen's back but a few more things are going to happen first, so it won't be in this chapter .I've been so excited to write this chapter so I hope you enjoy it.

Bella POV

_**I reached for my bag ,pulled out another bottle of vodka and drank myself to sleep.**_

I woke to the all to familiar pounding in my head. And shot up and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

I'm useless. All I ever do is smoke do drugs and vomit. If I disappeared would anyone care. Charlie might but wouldn't it be better for him? To not be worrying about me. Maybe I should disappear. Nobody needs me. Not _really._ I don't help people, I'm just a waste of space.

God what's wrong with me.

Why can't I do anything right?

All I do is make people unhappy. Waste there time. Charlie ,Edward.

Maybe I should just end it now. Get it over with. Put everyone, including me ,out of there misery.

I reached for my razor. One simple cut in the right place and it's all over. I could do it.

But I don't deserve the easy way out. I should suffer. Suffer for making Charlie's life hell. Suffer for thinking Edward really loved me, And suffer for thinking someone as pointless as me would ever get a happy ending.

I felt the first tears trickle down my face. I moved the razor to my arm and made a long, deep cut. The physical pain drowned out the pain I my heart .Washing over me in soothing waves. I leaned back against the door ,enjoying the feeling of just …_feeling._

"Bella honey you ok in there" Charlie called out from behind the door.

Shit. "Uh…yeah…umm hold on a sec." I walked to the sink ,cleaned of the razor and put it back in it's place.

My arm was still bleeding. A lot .

I didn't notice the drops hitting the floor. I grabbed a first aid kit and did my best to clean it up.

I walked out the bathroom and down the stairs. Charlie was sitting at the table ,he motioned for me to join him.

"Hey" I said sitting down as cheerfully as I could.

"Hey , made you breakfast" he said not so cheerfully

Is he brain dead, I DON'T WANT TO EAT. The thought makes me sick. Why can't he understand that.

"Thanks Dad ,it looks great" I lied.

He kept talking to me so I couldn't leave till I'd finished everything. I was gonna be sick. But he kept blabbing on asking me about what I did with jess yesterday and are we going out again and are any boys interested. I needed to get out and fast.

"Dad I'm sorry I got to go" I told him standing up and heading for the door.

"Don't stay out to late tonight, Kay" He said kissing my forehead. I was about to reply when I saw his eyes locked on my wrist , I followed his gaze to see a trickle of blood , trailing down my hand and fingers. When did that start bleeding? I then noticed the throbbing in my arm. How did I not notice?

"Bel…What did you do" He reached for my wrist a shocked look on his face.

I stepped back .

"Nothing. I ..uh.. I gotta go Charlie. I'll see you later" I turned a got to my truck as quick as I could , I barely heard him calling out over and over to me.

**Charlie POV**

I heard her Throwing up again this morning. There's something wrong. There's been something wrong ever since _they_ left.

I made her breakfast again. This time I'm sitting and watching her eat it. She's so skinny.

She came down the stairs and greeted me in that falsely cheery voice. She uses that a lot.

She took a bite and I saw In her eyes that she didn't want to be here. I started talking to her about anything I could think of , to keep her at the table eating.

"Dad I'm sorry I got to go" she told me. She'd eaten almost everything ,so I let her go this time.

"Don't stay out to late tonight, Kay" I replied kissing her forehead. As I pulled away , my eyes caught sight of her wrist.

Blood. My face went pale and I felt sick. It was trickling down her hand.

"Bel…What did you do" I reached for her wrist to see if she was ok. Did she do this to herself? How did I not notice?

"Nothing. I ..uh.. I gotta go Charlie. I'll see you later"

She turned and almost ran to her truck.

"Bella. Bella come back .Bella" She was gone.

I went back inside and collapsed against the door. And cried till there was no tears left.

**Bella POV**

Oh god. He knows .Charlie knows.

I drove around on full panic mode for an hour. I remembered Faith telling me to meet her at her house and speed down the roads to find her. She'd know what to do.

She opened the door to me laughing , but when she noticed my tears her expression turned serious. She turned to Derek who appeared beside her.

"I'll see you later." They quickly said goodbye and he gave me a small smile as he walked past.

She pulled me through the door and crushed me with a hug.

"You ok. what's wrong?" she asked.

"Charlie. He knows .Charlie knows. What am I gonna do?" I started babbling incoherently.

"BELLA. Calm down. What does he know?"

I pulled up my sleeve. "This he knows about this. He's gonna think I'm crazy. He'll send me to some fuckin doctor who thinks he's fucking everything." I couldn't breathe ,I started coughing.

"Bella it's ok ,I won't let him send you .please calm down." She sat me on the stairs and disappeared to the kitchen coming back with a syringe. She injected it into my arm and I immediately felt myself relax.

Damn I love this stuff.

"Feeling better?" She asked sitting next to me.

"Kinda .I can't go home though."

"I have an idea" She smiled.

"You said that yesterday. What are your brilliant ideas Wise one?"

She laughed. "Follow me"

**AN: Please tell me what you think. : )**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry for taking so long. I've had a bad **

"_I__ have an idea" She smiled._

"_You said that yesterday. What are your brilliant ideas Wise one?"_

_She laughed. "Follow me_"

She led me out to her drive ,where something was covered with blue tarp. She pulled it away ,the drops of rain it collected flew everywhere.

"EEEEEEWWWWWW" I squealed covering my eyes and jumping back.

"Baby. Here. What do you think?" she asked.

I turned and looked. Under the tarp was 2 very shiny black motor bikes.

"How th..wha..How could you afford these?" I stuttered walking up to them.

"Don't ask" She told me giggling "Have I cheered you up yet?"

"YES"I screamed "I love you" hugging her. She told me everything about the bikes. They were Ninjas. They were amazing. We both jumped on and began riding them we spent an hour just getting used to them. Eventually her Dad ,completely drunk , told us both to fuck of to school. We jumped in my truck and reluctantly left for school.

We were incredibly late , we both got screwed at ,both sent out and both made our way to the girls toilets. We had a few lines of coke and shared a bottle of Vodka and climbed out the window like we'd done a million times and left the school.

We went to another one of those parties ,they were getting Kinda boring and we left as it was getting dark. We were heading to my house ,well Charlie's house I wasn't staying there much longer. Faith had said I could stay with her for a little while, she wanted the company and her dad wouldn't touch her with me there.

She waited in the truck and I crept in as quietly as I could. I grabbed a bag and started packing the things I would need. That's when Charlie came in.

"Bells ,what you doing? Listen I've called a doctor an-"I cut him off.

"I'm moving out Dad. I don't want to see any doctors or speak to anyone okay just. Just leave me alone"

"Bella you've been cutting yourself. You need help ,you're sick. And I'm sorry I've let it go on for so long. Ever since he left you've been different and I've ignored it. I should have helped you and I'm sorry. But how could you do this to yourself?"

I ignored him and kept packing , I didn't hear what else he did say. I ran down the stairs and out the door leaving him standing there.

"You ok B" Faith asked as I climbed in the truck.

"I will be"

**Alice POV**

Everything was so different now. We'd gone to Alaska. Edward Stayed in his room , he only came out to hunt ,he always went alone and he never spoke to us anymore.

Emmett didn't joke , Jasper was always feeling everyone else's pain, Carlisle was always at the hospital and Rosalie was even meaner than usual. And poor Esme was trying so hard to make everything right.

I was sat on a chair in my room near a window looking at my pictures of back at forks. Everyone was happier than. Couldn't Edward see what he'd done . Everyone's miserable we all miss Bella. I wish he'd see how stupid he was being and go and beg Bella to take him back.

Bella. My best friend. If we were this bad I hate to think how she's doing. Edward has forbid me from ever looking into her future. I just wish I knew she if she was OK.

The vision was suddenly in front of my eyes.

_It was Bella .She was packing in her room she looked like she was in a hurry. She has changed so much. I could clearly see how dangerously skinny she is. Her eyes are dull. Lifeless. She looked so tired. _

_Then Charlie came in._

"_Bells ,what you doing? Listen I've called a doctor an-" A doctor? Oh god what's wrong with her._

"_I'm moving out Dad. I don't want to see any doctors or speak to anyone okay just. Just leave me alone"_

"_Bella you've been cutting yourself. You need help ,you're sick. And I'm sorry I've let it go on for so long. Ever since he left you've been different and I've ignored it. I should have helped you and I'm sorry. But how could you do this to yourself?" Bella had cut god we never should have left . What have we done to her._

_She kept packing and stormed out._

We have to go back. We have to help her I don't care what Edward says.

"CARLISLE" I Yelled running down the stairs.

"Alice , what is it?" He asked his calm voice comforting me.

"We have to go back. Now!"

"Alice ,Edward sai-"

"Edwards an idiot we never should have left her. I'm going back and I don't care if Edward doesn't want me to ,he can't stop me" I shouted.

It was quiet for a moment , Esme had walked in and Carlisle had his arm round her and Jasper was sending calm waves round the room.

Carlisle was about to say something when Edward came through the door. It was the first time I'd seen him in months. He looked terrible.

"Edward ,It's nice to see you son" Said Carlisle. Esme released her hold on him an gave Edward a quick hug .

"I saw your vision Alice" He said his voice cracking.

"Will you let me go help her?" I asked . The rest of our family watched ,oblivious to what was happening.

He looked pained for a few moments then nodded slowly.

We all were shocked when Rosalie shouted

"Finally. I'm gonna go pack "

Even Rosalie misses she wouldn't admit it.

Everyone quickly grabbed whatever they needed and we all jumped in our cars. I told everyone what I'd seen on the way back home.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry for the wait .I've been really busy. I got a B on my first draft of the creative writing and I hope I've taken it up to an A on my second .

Anyone reading in the UK SNOW!!!! . It started snowing while I was at school yesterday and EVERYONE started screaming. It's so cold and I made the mistake of wearing a skirt today. ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

Bella POV

I was throwing up for the millionth time. My first night here wasn't so bad. Me and Faith had just watched DVD's all night done coke and drunk. And the funny thing is ,her dad walked in on us and joined in. I could get used to it here.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face then got dressed into my usual black clothes. I walked out the bathroom to find Faith waiting for me. We headed out the door and got on our Bikes. We decided last night that we wanted to take them to school. I could just imagine the teachers faces as we rode in on the bikes of death.

That's what I'd named my bike. Almost. I'm stuck between bike of death or The terminator. Kinda lame I know. Not as bad as faiths though .Leo? Come on! Mine you can see where I get it from but Leo?

We raced each other to school ,dangerously dodging cars. We got there early for once. Everyone stared at us Faith looked at me and smirked and we started racing round the car park. Some one actually screamed! Nobody said anything though it's not like we'd hear them anyway over our loud laughter.

Just then something caught my eye. A silver Volvo. It couldn't be. Following it were the other Cullen cars. Shit.

Faith had noticed to ,I'd told her all about them. Except the vampire part.

"Nothing to do with us B. just ignore them." She said reassuringly. Throwing me a pack of cigarettes. I pulled one out and lit it. Who cares if they see me. I need a cigarette if there here.

I watched out the corner of my eye as the cars parked. I tried to calm myself and pretend I wasn't bothered. Faith was still driving round while a teacher came out to yell at her. I'd be next probably.

I saw them getting out there cars. And one by one they looked over at me. There jaws dropped. I smirked. They look like fish. The head teacher was walking out the door to them , and shook Carlisle and Esme's hand. I heard him telling them to give him a moment and he turned to Faith and began lecturing her.

The Cullen's all began walking towards me. Do they really expect me to talk to them? They all looked upset. Although Esme was attempting a smile. They were getting closer. How do I get out of this?

"Bella it's great to see you again." Esme said. I ignored them.

They waited for me to answer but quickly realised I wasn't going to.

Carlisle spoke next.

"I never thought you'd be a smoker Bella , You must know how unhealthy it is" He said looking straight in my eyes.

Great. They'd been here less then five seconds and it had already started.

I felt myself getting angry and tried pushing it away. I think jasper was helping with that.

"You're back" I said plainly.

"Yep" Alice smiled popping on the P. Then she turned serious "Were here for you. To make sure your Ok"

As soon as the words left her mouth I knew that they knew something but I wasn't sure how much. The drugs? Cutting?

"Really? And here's me thinking you didn't care" I said sarcastically.

"Of course we care Bella" Edwards velvety voice said. I realised how much I missed him. But he left me.

"Sure. Ok. Well ..bye" I said getting back on my bike.

"You have a motor bike?" Edward asked " You could get yourself killed on that thing are you stupid?" He shouted.

"Edward" Carlisle warned. I knew they were having a silent conversation and he quickly calmed down.

"Bella we have a few things we'd like to talk to you about." Carlisle said "Would you mind coming over tonight" He asked me. Although there was the doctors tone in his voice that was telling me not to object.

's gonna send me to some nut house.

"Nope sorry I'm real busy doing ..stuff" I said lamely.

"It is important Bella. However if your to busy I can always ask Charlie to have a word with me"

Bastard.

They were all staring at me.

"B , I don't wanna be stuck here all day .You coming?" Faith said walking up to me.

" not. I got double biology." I replied.

"What happened to you Bella" Edward said looking pained.

"You" I said coldly. I turned and walked of getting on my motor bike and sped away.

Edward POV

What happened to my sweet Bella. She was smoking. Riding motor bikes. Ditching lessons.

God how could I be so stupid. I never should have left. I've broken her . And now I'm gonna do everything I can to fix her.

**AN: I'm not to happy with this chapter. So tell me if you like it or not. I might redo it.**

**Any who. What's everybody doing for Christmas? Anything special?**

**Is anyone actually reading this?**

**If you have any requests for another fanfic please tell me?**

**So…**

**Love you all.**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIG****HT!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I'm so sorry about the underlines . I couldn't get rid of them get rid of them. But thanks so much to all of you that reviewed. I had a bad day and when I saw how many I'd got I just started laughing. ;D Thank you little minions .**

**Someone said that they enjoyed my AN's. I'm glad someone does.**

**I hit my head really hard against a wall earlier and it's now throbbing. So if this chappie doesn't make sense blame the wall. I could be unconscious right now dreaming all this up while Carlisle Sits with me holding my hand…… Don't look at me like that . I can dream if I want to.**

**Bella POV**

I'd got away from them as fast as I could. I don't want to see them. Ever. But they would probably go to Charlie and Charlie would tell Carlisle. Maybe I should go tonight. And tell them to never talk to me again. God I sound like a 3 year old.

I went back to Faiths while she stayed out and I sat in her room. Her dad was out and I was alone. I turned on the radio and started to cry .

_I miss you_

_Miss you so bad_

_I don't forget you_

_Oh it's so sad. _

I grabbed the closest sharpest thing I could find. A math compass. I knew exactly what faith used it for. The same thing I was about to.

I held it to my wrist and the memories of me and Edward together began to flood into my mind. All the normal everyday things we had done. I'd give anything to have that again. For him to love me again.

_Now you're gone_

_ Now you're gone_

_There you go _

_There you go_

_Somewhere I can't bring you back_

_Now you're gone_

_Now you're gone_

_There you go_

_ There you go_

_Somewhere you're not coming back _

I sobbed harder as I remembered the conversation in the woods when he left me. The pain in my chest was throbbing. And I made another cut, pressing harder .Desperate to get rid of the pain in my heart.

The door opened and Faith came in. I could hardly see her through my tears. She came over and sat with me.

She cleaned up my arm and told me to calm down. We sat there in silence for 10 minutes .And I went back into another breakdown at the next song.

_I'm so tired of being hereSuppressed by all my childish fearsAnd if you have to leaveI wish that you would just leaveBecause your presence still lingers hereAnd it won't leave me alone _

She pulled me into a hug and began cursing the Cullen's.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're goneBut though you're still with meI've been alone all alongThese wounds won't seem to healThis pain is just too realThere's just too much that time cannot erase._

She left me for a second and came back with a needle and injected it into my arm. I quickly relaxed and we spent the next few hours in a drug induced haze.

I knew the second I stood up that I was really out of it. It was an amazing feeling. Not a care in the world.

We were laughing about something. I was moving really fast. When did I get on the bike?

Faith was ahead of me shouting something about the Cullen's. I realised that we were going to there house.

I laughed ,we both laughed. Why was it so funny?

We got of just outside there house . And I stood staring at it. They probably know I'm here. I cant do this.

"I'm sorry faith I have to go"

I jumped back on my bike .Just as I was about to speed of on the terminator. A loud very voice shouted.

"BELLA SWAN GET OF THAT BIKE RIGHT NOW"

I reluctantly turned round to see an angry Carlisle Cullen.

**AN: So sorry it's short but it started snowing again. Thank you so much i had the nicest review EVER . **


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks for all the amazing reviews. I love you all. This is the last chapter till after Christmas unless I get a LOT of reviews begging me to do another one. **

**Went Christmas shopping today : ) not really sure why I keep saying random stuff. I'm so alone. I have no friends except the ones in my at me. **

**I got the Taylor swift album today it's really good you should check it out. Ok I'll shut up.**

**Bella POV**

"BELLA SWAN GET OF THAT BIKE RIGHT NOW"

I reluctantly turned round to see an angry Carlisle Cullen.

He along with the rest of them were walking down to where me and Faith were standing. I started laughing. I could see patterns floating around in the sky. Following the Cullen's , like someone was drawing round them.

They were giving faith a death glare, They probably blamed her for all of this. Stupid morons. Couldn't they see it's all there fault.

"Sorry B your on your own" She yelled speeding away.

"Wha- That's o.k." I yelled to her "It's not like this was your off and leave me then" I whispered the next part. "Everybody else does" I saw Edward flinch. The others were staring shocked at my choice of language.

I smirked. They'd never heard me swear.

"What's wrong never heard me swear before? Fuck. I'll say it again if you want me to." I laughed again.

"Bella could you please get of that bike" Carlisle said to me. "I'd like to talk to you. We all would. And I think you know what it is I'd like to talk about"

"Sorry can't stop busy bee me" I got another fit of giggles. All the patterns around me turned to bees and slowly turned to monsters. My heart started beating a mile a minute.

"Bella are you all right" Carlisle asked me. I knew he must have heard my heart rate shoot up.

I barely heard Jasper telling them that I was scared. Of course I was scared, Couldn't they see the damn things. All I could focus on were the decaying corpses and Skeleton 'people' surrounding me. I couldn't breathe.

"Bella it's ok calm down" Carlisle said gently stepping forward. He turned to speak but I couldn't hear him.

The last thing I remembered was me yelling at the flying monsters and then collapsing into the cold arms of Carlisle.

**Carlisle POV**

We all heard the motorbikes swerving all over the road getting closer to our house. It was Bella. She was with that other girl. Faith.

Edward had got her name from the teachers at school this morning after our encounter with Bella.

They were laughing. They weren't concentrating on the road.

I loved Bella like she was my daughter. So does Esme. She's a member of this Family. We all love her.

My first day back at the hospital and I treated a girl in a motorbike accident.

She can't be that girl.

I won't let her be that girl.

I know Edward feels Guilty he's blaming himself ,if something happens to her…

We all stood up and began to head outside. I spotted Bella and her friend , Neither of them were wearing helmets. How could Bella be so Reckless? Even a small knock of that damn bike could lead to her being seriously injured.

I refuse to let that happen to any of my daughters. Human or not

"BELLA SWAN GET OF THAT BIKE RIGHT NOW"

She turned round to us. I could see my Family staring at Faith. She quickly said she was leaving and sped of. They could be very intimidating.

"Wha- That's o.k." Bella yelled to her "It's not like this was your off and leave me then . Everybody else does" She whispered.

I was shocked to hear the language that came out of her mouth and I noted Edwards flinch at her words.

_It'll be ok son _

Bella must have seen our reactions. She turned to us all and said.

"What's wrong never heard me swear before? Fuck. I'll say it again if you want me to." She laughed.

"Bella could you please get of that bike" I said to her. I wanted her of that thing as soon as possible.

"Sorry can't stop busy bee me" She then laughed hysterically when the laughter died her eyes wondered like she was watching something. Her heart then began to beat faster. To fast.

"Bella are you all right" I asked her

"She's feeling scared . No… terrified" Jasper said Sending out a wave of calm.

"Bella it's ok calm down" I told her gently stepping forward.

She suddenly began yelling , her eyes rolled back in her head and I caught her before she hit the ground.

Edward ran forward to kneel beside Bella.

"What's wrong with her?" He growled.

I placed her in his arms .

"She had a panic attack. Esme get my medical bag. We need to take her inside. Edward can you put her up in your room."

He was in the house and up the stairs in 2 seconds laying her down on the couch in his room.

**Edward POV**

I lay her down as gently as I could. Brushing some stray hair from her eyes I leaned in to kiss her forehead.

Carlisle was blocking his thoughts from me and he began to examine her.

I sat next to her holding her hand and looked up to see everyone leaving except Esme. Who stared at Bella worriedly.

Carlisle lifted her eyelids to shine a small flashlight in her eyes.

"Her pupils are Dilated" he told us.

My worry for Bella clouded my medical training.

"What does that mean?"

"She's been doing drugs"

**AN: I name all my followers Minions. If you'd like to be a little minion just review , and I'll your name on my profile. ;) **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: If you review more than once you automatically become a minion. If you review once and ask for it ill put your name up to. I wanna see how many I get , to help my plans for world domination.**

**I'd like to say thanks to my Minions so far.**

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**PS: Would you like to be minions or elf's ? **

**I've been watching The Santa Claus 3 with Jack frost. "Do you want to be my elf" **

**Sorry If I missed anyone.**

**I know I said the last chapter would be the last till after Christmas but Reviews make me wanna write so yey.**

**Bella POV**

My head was pounding and my throat felt like sand paper.

I could here voices. I knew one was Edwards. The more I listened I knew the other was Carlisle's gentle voice.

"What does that mean?" Edward said.

"She's been doing drugs" Shit.

Crap. Now what. I can't pretend to be asleep for much longer they'll know. I felt my heart rate going up again. And slowly opened my eyes to see Edward ,Carlisle and Esme staring at me.

"How are you feeling dear?" Esme asked as I sat up.

"Peachy" I replied. Standing up and walking to the door. I was in Edwards room. Was it all a big joke to them?

"Bella, you should lay down for a few minutes" Carlisle told me reaching for my arm. His cold hand wrapped around my wrist.

He didn't mean to hurt me. But I winced and pulled my wrist away from him.

I prayed that they hadn't noticed but I felt the cut re-open and a trickle of blood trail down my arm.

I stood frozen for a second.

"Esme could you please tell the others to give us some privacy, They need to hunt anyway." Carlisle told her.

"Sure" She said "I'll see you later Bella" she smiled at me and left the room.

I felt a stab of guilt for being so cold to them. Esme didn't do anything wrong.

I knew that Carlisle waited for the others to leave until he spoke to me.

"Would you like to have a seat Bella" He said motioning to a chair.

"No ,I'd like to leave"

"Bella don't make this harder than it already is" Edward said stepping forward.

I sat down ,deciding it would be easier if I just went along with whatever they said. Edward leaned back against a wall while Carlisle stood in front of me. There was now blood soaking my shirt and he looked down at it.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your arm" He asked me.

Uh-oh. I can't let him see it. I can't.

"I do mind actually"

"Bella ,we know that you have been self harming. There's no need to hide it" He said gently.

I looked at the ground.

"Please Bella, just let me take a look"

I rolled up 1 sleeve a tiny bit past my wrist revealing half of 2 scars.

"Roll them up a bit further, I need to see the one that's bleeding"

I hesitated , then rolled my sleeves all the way up to show dozens of half closed scars and thin angry red lines of older ones. Carlisle's eyes widened for a moment then quickly he composed himself. Edward growled loudly, a walked up to me. His arm reached out a lightly traced my scared arm.

He then turned and left the room at an inhuman speed.

I looked back at Carlisle who had begun to clean my arm. An involuntary tear slipped down my cheek.

"Does he hate me" I whispered. I knew he didn't love me , but I can't handle him hating me. I'd rather die than live with the knowledge that he hates me.

"No don't ever think that Bella" He told me "Edward loves you"

"No he doesn't" I started crying, unable to control myself.

Carlisle pulled me into a hug , and I wished my dad could be more like him. I loved Charlie , but in these situations he wouldn't know what to do.

He was about to say something when we both spotted Edward standing by the door.

"Carlisle could you give me and Bella a moment alone" He said not taking his eyes from mine.

Carlisle paused then gave a quick nod and left quietly.

I was alone with Edward.

"How could you think that I don't love you" He whispered.

I snorted. "What is your memory that bad? You told me." I shouted another tear falling down my cheek.

"I lied Bella. I wanted you to have a happy normal life. Get married have kids." He said. "I love you Bella , I'll never stop loving you"

"Then why'd you leave?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"I didn't want to hurt you. But I see you can do that for yourself" He reached for my arm again and carefully inspected every cut.

"God Bella" He whispered. If he was human I knew he would be crying.

He let go of my arm and we sat in silence for a few minutes. The silence was broken by his quiet angelic voice.

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes"

" Can you give me another chance?"

**AN: Very Taylor Swift ending. : ) Please R an R .**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: HELLO so sorry if you were expecting the next chapter. But some of you reading will know about the little challenge going on between me and someone who's name I will not mention.

I have to get as many minions as possible before new year so Pwetty pwetty pwetty PWEASE leave a review asking to be a minion.

So if you want the next chapter , you know what to do.

PS - YOUR GOING DOWN!


	11. Chapter 11

AN:IM BACK.!!! 80 reviews I feel almost famous. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I have a feeling this year will suck for me. Most years do : ( . I have so much homework to do before I go back to school. 

I have to science exams to revise for , maths history geography , I have to redraft a Frankenstein essay AGAIN. And I have to memories lines for drama. 

I am DREADING this year. If anyone has any ideas on how I could get out of it I would be VERY grateful. : (

Sorry for making you wait so long. 

BPOV

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes"

" Can you give me another chance?"

I paused. 

"No" . He'd just leave me again. I can't trust him. I can't trust anyone.

His face filled with pain then suddenly replaced by determination.

"I'm going to make this right Bella, I'll do whatever it takes" He said.

"But you have to stop this. Stop cutting , Stop the drugs and _never_ get on that death trap again." He stared straight into my eyes forcing me to listen.

"You can't tell what to do" I said my voice raised.

"If it's to stop you hurting yourself I can and will. Do you want us to go to Charlie? Do you want Carlisle to put you in hospital? We are going to make you better Bella, but if you want to do it the hard way ,Fine."

"Go to Charlie , see if I care. I don't plan on seeing him anytime soon. And I don't need to go to hospital." I yelled walking out and down the stairs. 

I was quickly out the front door and heading towards my bike. Edward was following me and so was Carlisle.

"Bella please, if you get on that bike…"Edward trailed off.

"If you get on that bike there will be consequences Bella." Carlisle said. " I will talk to Charlie. And if I need to I _will _put you in hospital. This is serious "

"Fuck you" I replied. Speeding away.

**AN: Sorry it's so short. I'll put up another chapter later today.**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Sorry again . I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. Like I said I have TONS of stuff to do for school. It's amazing how much it's pissing me off. God I HATE my life. It got worse, my heating is gone so it's FREEZING. **

**Nobody told me school starts again tomorrow , so that ton of homework has to be done soon. I was going to write the next chapter today, I got halfway through when my mom came down shouting about school tomorrow. It started a very loud argument. So I have to go pretend to do homework while I slip slowly into madness.**

**I'll try update as soon as I can.**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: I'm back .finally. I'm sorry for making you wait. The French exam was today . I'm pretty sure I wasn't writing in French. I did no revision at all. But I managed to write a page . I was NOWHERE near finished. I spent the first half an hour looking up swear words in the dictionary ,I know pointless. I couldn't find any.**

**And then ten more minutes finding random words and sending them in notes to my sister. It was hysterical.**

**I got my science GCSE on Thursday. I have science coming out my ears but I can't remember anything. I'm gonna fail.**

**I managed to find some time to write this chapter. Yey me . Pwease review.**

**DISCLAIMER. I OWN NOTHING**

**Edward POV**

As soon as Bella had drove off, I'd phoned Alice ,asking her to keep an eye on Bella while me and Carlisle went to see Charlie.

I stared out the passenger window of Carlisle's car. The drive was mostly silent with the exception of Carlisle telling me to let him talk.

I was pretty sure Charlie would hate me , he'd never want me near Bella again.

_Calm down_

Carlisle thought as we walked towards Charlie's front door.

The door opened to a relieved looking Charlie.

"Carlisle?" he said in surprise.

_Thank god there back . _Charlie thought.

"Come on in" he stepped aside eyeing me warily as I walked past. "I thought you'd taken a job in LA?" he asked Carlisle.

"I did. However the whole family wanted to come home , we missed Bella "

"She missed you guys a lot , you especially" Charlie said staring at me. " You could have phoned or wrote. She hasn't been the same since you left"

"There's something we'd like to talk to you about ,it's Bella."

I stayed silent as Carlisle told him about the cutting , the drugs and the motor bike. Charlie's mind was filled with a memory of Bella.

She didn't look older than ten. I would have smiled if the situation were different , she was so small and adorable.

She was promising Charlie that she'd never get on a motorbike.

"What do we do?" Charlie asked.

"We tried talking to her but it didn't seem to help. One option is to hospitalize her. I don't think she'd be very co-operative but She needs to talk to a professional"

"Hospitalize her?" Charlie said shocked.

"As a doctor I should already have taken her in , But as a friend I'm hoping it won't have to come to that. I'd like Bella to stay with us for a while." Carlisle said slowly. That I was not expecting , neither was Charlie.

Carlisle continued. "I can keep an eye on her there , I can make sure she talks to someone and I won't have to hospitalize her" he finished.

I listened to Charlie thinking. Jumbling through pro's and cons in his head. He agreed eventually.

"It's ok by me, the problem is she's living with a friend. She didn't tell me who but I got a pretty good idea" he told us.

He scribbled down an address and we said our goodbyes.

I listened to Charlie thanking god for bringing us back to Bella ,I knew if I could I would be crying. I put my head in my hands as Carlisle started the engine.

"We'll figure this out son" he said gently.

The rest of the drive was in silence as we searched for the address Charlie had given us. We found it quickly. It was hard to not to. Music was blaring loudly as people stumbled around drunk.

I recognised many people's scents from school. Including Bella's.

I looked towards Carlisle for a few seconds and we locked eyes before stepping out hopefully to bring Bella home.

**AN: I know it's short I'm really sorry. Remember to leave a review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Hey. . The school was shut Thursday because of snow but we had to go in anyway for the Science test. It wasn't fun. I did really bad. **_**REALLY **_**bad. I have another science test on Monday. I'm screwed.**

**My French class are talking about me when I'm not there. The teacher started it.**

**The whole class went silent as we walked in. The rest of the day people laughed about it. I hate this word but. Bitch.**

**On the lighter side listen to owl city Fireflies or hot air balloon. There AMAZING.**

**Bella POV**

I went back to faiths to yell my brains out to her. She left me with them. When I got there she apologised , gave me puppy dog eyes and told me she was throwing a party. I couldn't argue with that.

The music was blaring ,pounding through my head. I was surrounded by 3 guys. They were ok , Kinda cute. Faith had her eye on the tall dark haired one , she whispered something in his ear and they both excused themselves.

I'm not sure how much I'd drunk at this point but I don't care

I danced with the two remaining guys ,laughed with them , kissed them. It was a good distraction. They offered me drugs witch I took immediately took, excusing myself I walked through the other partiers and headed for the stairs.

Upstairs was quieter, only a few people passed out on the floor.

I closed the bathroom door and leaned my head against it sighing. Whenever I was alone it hurt. I absently rubbed my heart where the pain was worst.

I put the bag with the drugs in on the window and carefully made 2 lines. My hands were shaking slightly and I sniffed up the heavenly powder.

It hit the back of my throat , I sunk to the ground with my back against the wall. I felt blood trickling down my nose and reached to wipe it away.

The music down stairs and the noise of the people started to drown out.

Silence.

The world stood still.

I loved these moments.

No pain. No hurt. No suffering. No body. Nothing.

All I could hear was my racing heart and fast breathing.

..

I didn't notice the world spinning until the I was staring at the ceiling with my back on the floor.

The dizziness was starting to get to me. I leaned up as fast as I could to throw up in the toilet. The Quick movement made it worse and I retched over and over. Dry heaving. I can't remember the last time I ate.

I slumped back against the wall. And rested my head on my knees. What's going on?

I took deep breathes ,trying not to throw up again. The world was still swirling around.

The door opened so fast it was just a blur to me. Carlisle walked in followed by Edward. Edward reached for the bag of drugs. And began flushing the contents down the toilet.

I would have argued , yelled ,screamed. But I didn't want to move. Where am I again?

Carlisle was kneeling next to me. His cool hand pressed against my forehead. Then to my wrist. They muttered to each other then Carlisle scooped me up into his arms.

My head lulled against Carlisle's chest and my world faded to black.

**Edward POV**

As we walked towards the house my phone began buzzing in my pocket. I flipped it open and held it to my ear.

"She's in the bathroom. She's taken more drugs. Hurry." Alice told me.

I informed Carlisle and we briskly entered the house. A path was cleared for us, they obviously knew who we where and why we were here .

We soon got to the bathroom door and Carlisle stepped in front of me going in first. We'd both heard retching.

My heart broke when I saw her, She looked so tired and sick. On the window ledge was a bag of white powder. I opened the foul smelling stuff and tipped it down the toilet.

"Is she ok?" I asked Carlisle.

"I'm not sure. I need to get her home" Carlisle scooped her up and we walked back out the crowded house.

"Could you drive" He asked me as he placed Bella on the backseat.

I wanted to stay with her. Hold her. But she would be safe with Carlisle, So I got in the front seat and started driving.

_Her breathing is slowing and her temperatures dropping . It's Alcohol poisoning._

Carlisle's thoughts told me.

My foot automatically pressed down harder and the car sped faster.

Relief washed through me as the house came into view. Carlisle Lifted Bella out of the car and ran towards the house.

Inside the whole family was waiting , Shock filled there eyes and thoughts when they saw Bella unconscious.

"We have your stuff set up ,upstairs. Alice said you'd need it" Esme said to her husband.

Half way up the stairs. Bella started shaking. Seizure shaking.

While everyone else went on panic mode , Carlisle stayed calm and held her tighter to try control the shaking.

He took her to my room where his medical bag was lying and placed her on the bed.

_Hold her down._

I locked one hand around her tiny wrists and the other against her forehead keeping her down.

Carlisle had to pump her stomach. It was a long night.

I sat holding her handing carefully avoiding the IV. I watched her sleep just like before. But now her face was filled with pain. Like she was trapped in a nightmare. It was like that for most of the night. Then the screaming started.

My heart broke for the millionth time. The angry thoughts of my family filled my mind, anger at me for leaving her and turning her to this.

I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. And said a silent prayer to whoever was listening.

**AN: YEY REVIEW**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Sorry for the author note. Again. But I'm desperate. I have a you tube account , there's a video I have posted. So please watch it . The link is on my profile. PLEASE I need this answered. it's a piece of music that I need to know the name of. It's absolutely stunning. **

**If you watch it I'll post the next chappie. **

**Ha . I'm mean**

**Also , big thank you to all my minions. I love you all. And a bigger thank you to ****FriendorFoeUDecide311 , who started the challenge. So go read her stories. she's amazing.**

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Music of the Night 999

abriluxca

Crystal-Waterz-at-Twilight

..x.

XLoveKillsSlowlyX

aliceandra

Miss Cullen13

Bella-Maria-Swan-25

ellegirl15kansas

MiiaCullen

0Warrior0Maiden0

Little Karma

Veryfairygirl14

Ashlee the Bloody

1 and only Kristen

Halea

.

KatarinaAnthonyAnna

RoXaS707


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: I had injections yesterday. I cant feel my right arm. I have NEVER cried at an injection. Not even when I was a baby. I have no memory of ever having injections. **

**MY ARM IS KILLING ME.**

**Any who.**

**I was lucky. They did the injections in a class room. I walked up to the nurse lady and right next to me on the wall was a giant poster of Edward. : )**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own twilight (sniffle) .There I said it. HAPPY NOW.**

**Please review. I'm lonely.**

**Bella POV. **

I awoke slowly. Trying desperately to remember where I was. My head was pounding which is nothing new to me. I felt overwhelmingly sick and my stomach ached like hell along with every muscle.

I could here light voices somewhere close to me and movement at the other side of the room then felt a cold hand against my forehead.

'How are you feeling Bella?' Carlisle said softly.

"Fine" I said automatically. My throat felt like it had been ripped to shreds.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"You got alcohol poisoning, I had to pump your stomach"

"oh" I said the memories coming back "umm… thank you'.

He chuckled softly then looked up at me with a small sad smile.

"You scared us Bella"

The guilt hit me like a wall when I looked into his eyes. He didn't deserve this. He done nothing wrong.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

He leaned over and kissed my forehead and whispered back.

"Just help me get you better".

I didn't reply to him. There was nothing wrong with me. well except from the pumped stomach. But i got the meaning behind his words.

"Were keeping you here for a little while. Until your feeling better we've already talked to Charlie about it , so there's no point arguing"

I stared down at the floor letting the words sink in and the anger rise.

"What im your prisoner?" i said getting angry.

"No , Think of yourself more of a patient"

I smirked.

"were not at a hospital" i said sitting back down, noticing my slightly shaking body.

"No were not,but you could be sooner than you think" He stated calmly.

"What the hells that supposed to mean?"

"We've been talking Bella. About your well being and how to this your last warning bella. If you do anything else _reckless _were going to send you to a hospital in Seattle" his voice still annoyingly calm.

"You can't do that. Im an adult i can do whatever the hell i want"

"Yes i can ,you may not know it now bella , but you need help and were going to get it for you."

There was a knock at the door, and it opened to Alice, Esme and walked over to them and they began to mutter to fast for my pathetic human ears. I stared down at my shaking hands and looked at the scars just peeping out of my sleeves. I needed to cut. this was to much for me. What right did they have to send me anywhere?

I was interrupted from my thoughts when the 4 of them walked up to me, there faces were grim, Esme and Alice took a seat either side of Carlisle and Edward pulled up a seat in front of me . this wasn't going to be good.

"Bella, Alice has had a vision" Edward started. "Pretty soon your gonna start getting withdraws"

Shit.I only ever felt the start of withdraws once and it wasn't pretty.

" Fine , just let me out of here and i can stop them pretty quick" i said. All i had to do was find Faith, we'd get more and i'd be fine.

"Going out and getting high isn't the answer bella" Alice interrupted , seeing my plan.

"Im sorry ,but if your going to get better we need to get you clean. This isn't going to be easy. Your going to be in a lot of pain bella."Carlisle said.

" Im going to put you on a banana bag. It will give you the nutrients your body needs, your far to skinny ,and i don't think you could keep down any other food"

The conversation went on like that for a while.I zoned out for most of it.

I was beginning to feel sick and jittery but i didn't say anything although i was pretty sure Carlisle could tell. When the others spoke he would try to catch my eye and when he did the concern shone from them was silently asking me how i felt.

Jasper came in at one point with the things Carlisle would he quickly hooked me up to whatever the hell it was.

I sat at the top of the bed , listening to them making small talk.

I'd missed them so much. I missed Edward so much.

He was staring at me mostly, I love him. I'll never stop loving him, but i don't want to get close to him again to anyone of them and have them leave me again.I wouldn't survive it.

But im gonna play along. enjoy it while i can. But that doesn't mean they can control my life.

After about an hour of them telling me about what they'd been up to while they were gone. The withdrawals started.

I could no longer concentrate on what they were saying, as the pain filled my body.

* * *

I started sobbing. It felt like i was jumping out of my skin. My head felt worse than it ever had before. It was throbbing over and over while saws cut into my skull and let elephants in to go play drums.

I was lying between Esme and Alice, Both whispering words of comfort as they held my shaking body.

"Carlisle" Alice called out to him.

He stood from his place on the chair and came over with a little trashcan. I felt retches taking over me and threw up again. Esme was rubbing my back and Carlisle held my hair away from my face.

I longed to call them my parents.I was a pathetic human junkie but they were here with me.

"Please, just one line please" I croaked out.

"It's ok bella it will get better" Alice whispered and Esme kissed my cheek.

"No it won't. Im begging just a little bit. Just make it stop please make it stop" Esme pulled me closer rested her head on mine.

"shh , it's ok sweetie. everythings ok"

Edward will hate me after this. Hate me for putting his family through this .He'll leave me again. Why would he want me?.

I barley heard his tortured sobs coming from the other side of the i did hear them.

" Edward" I called out.

He was instantly kneeling in front of me.

"Im here bella. Im right here" he whispered.

Alice and esme's arms were soon replaced with his protective cold arms around me , pulling me against his stone chest.

My shaking increased and so did the sobs. My tears stained his shirt and i let all the pain out.

And he stayed right there, they all did.

one by one they walked up to the bed. And curled up next to us.

And i fell into a painful daze.

* * *

AN : I personally LOVE this chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I'm sorry for the no update but I went ice skating for the first time. It was amazing I can't wait to go again. I didn't fall over at all. I'm proud of myself. But my friend Emily who I went with came up behind me screamed boo and pushed me over soo….

TOMORROWS MY BIRTHDAY. So I probly won't update I'm going over to a friends for the day. I'll be fifteen.

I LOVE ICE SKATING.

Sorry

Cat xxxxx


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Me and my friend met some boys on Friday while skating the one she liked asked her out this morning. (valentines day)**

**The one I liked apparently couldn't stop talking about me. Eep**

**My best friend been really down recently and has started being really mean and hurtful. I don't know what to do. I need help something's wrong I just don't know what. Maybe I'm an annoying freak. **

**Any who - I have a week of so I will probably be posting my other story. It's been sitting in it's little folder for months.**

**Thanks to everyone that wished me happy birthday. It was great.**

**A huge thanks to marsbareater12 for the sneak peak at your story. You need to read this it's amazing. I'm hooked.**

**Bella POV **

The next few days were the same. Pain ,pain and more pain. Eventually however the pain stopped , slowly seeping away. There was a light drizzle outside , it all felt so normal and relaxed, I didn't want it to end.

Edwards arms were wrapped around me still. He hadn't moved since last night.

I heard the door creak open and Alice step inside with a towel and some clothes. She put them on the edge of the bed gave me a sad smile and left without a word.

"Do you want to take a shower?" Edward murmured . He already knew the answer so what was the point in asking?

I stood shakily and paused to get rid of the dizziness. Edwards arms went round my waist to hold me up. And he picked me up bridal style and set me on my feet in his bathroom. He held out the clothes Alice left and I took them. Whispering thanks.

" Do you want Alice to help or..?" He questioned.

"No , I can shower myself' I replied. Does he think I'm an idiot?

" Esme's making you breakfast. It will be done when your finished.'

'I'm not hungry' I saw his eyes trail down my skinny body.

'Don't worry. you'll like it' he said turning and leaving.

I let out a long sigh and headed for the shower.

Staring down my scar covered arms I thought back to my last release. I needed to cut so badly. I needed a high so badly. I miss my bike and I miss faith.

I looked around his spotless bathroom, I immediately noticed that there was no sharp objects. It looked like they'd picked the whole room clean of everything I could possibly use. Perfect. Though in a house full off vampire's why would I cut here.

I got dressed slowly. I didn't really want to eat anything. The banana bag Carlisle gave me probably made me fat. I pulled up my shirt and looked in the mirror. The fat was hanging on me. I looked disgusting.

If I ate anything else I'd look…I don't want to think about it.

I slowly opened the bathroom door and was surprised to see Jasper leaning against Edwards door.

"Hello Bella" He said stepping forward.

"Hi"

" Iwant to apologise. And tell you how very sorry I am" He looked down as he said this.

I stared at him shocked for a few moments.

"What for?" I asked confused.

"For everything. If I had controlled myself on your Birthday. None of this would have happened. We wouldn't have left and you heart wouldn't be broken _, You _wouldn't be broken"

"I'm not broken. And none of this is your fault. Your not the one who dropped everything and left over a paper cut" that made him smile.

Alice soon found us and tugged me down stairs to the kitchen , where esme sat with a plate of eggs and bacon on the kitchen table.

She smiled when she saw me and motioned to the chair next to her.

" How are you feeling Bella?" she asked.

"Better" I lied. I was not better. I want drugs. Not food.

"I made you breakfast"

"Thanks but I'm not hungry" She didn't look surprised by my reaction.

"Come on Bella , I love to cook and you're the only person here who can try anything I make" She smiled handing me a fork.

Her eyes watched me , waiting for me to take a bite. After one swallow she started a conversation , to make me more comfortable with her watching me eat.

I felt the food sliding down my throat , each bite making me fatter. He'd never want me fat. He was surrounded by his beautiful family. All the woman unnaturally beautiful and skinny. Why would he want an ugly, fat ,clumsy human like me.

"excuse me" I whispered quickly.

She looked at me with concern and I sped of to the nearest bathroom. Kneeling in front of the toilet I brought up one hand and shoved a finger down my throat , I began retching and got rid of the vile food.

I felt a pair of cool arms wrap round my waist and anther holding back my hair.

I stood up to find some very concerned Cullen's.

**AN:I know its short but its half one and I'm off to watch twilight**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN : I was going to delete the last chapter but I've read the reviews and some of you like it. I'm going to try and write longer chapters. I know it's annoying when there really short.**

**IMPORTANT: Bella's lullaby in the film. Listen to it. In the book they always hum it. TRY HUMMING IT. IMPOSSIBLE!!**

**_I felt a pair of cool arms wrap round my waist and anther holding back my hair._**

_I stood up to find some very concerned Cullen's._

Edward eyes were filled with so much pain, I couldn't look him in the eyes as he passed me a glass of water. I took a few sips to wash away the taste and handed the glass back to Esme's waiting hands.

"I'm gonna go" I said rushing to my feet.

"No Bella ,we have to talk" Edward said.

"There's nothing to talk about"

"There's a lot to talk about"

I dodged past him and started walking towards the front door. Before I cold blink Alice was in front of me and Edward had his arms back round me.

"We _are _going to talk about this and were going to talk _now_" I was lifted into his arms and with inhuman speed we were in Carlisle's office. He set me down onto my feet and I took a few steps away from him.

Carlisle closed the door and stepped towards me.

"I warned you Bella. Do you remember? If you do anything reckless your going to a hospital, and now I think that's exactly where you need to be"

"No I won't go. I don't need to be there" I yelled. Edward came closer trying to comfort me and I pushed him away.

"You don't even realise you need help Bella. Look at what your doing to yourself"

"I'm leaving" I said.

I was surprised when Carlisle gently grabbed my upper arms and set me on his desk.

"Were not finished Bella" His head turned towards Edward and said something to him silently. Edward gave a quick nod and his hands replaced Carlisle's, still holding me down.

I was suddenly aware of how close Edward hansom face wore a mask of worry , He had purple smudges under his eyes but that did nothing to his beauty. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead ,knowing i couldn't resist his actions while he dazzled me. His eyes burned into mine never looking away.

Carlisle was now stood next to Edward with a pen and notebook in his hand.

"Carlisle is going to ask you some questions Bella, you need to answer them truthfully" Edward said in my ear.

" When was the last time you ate a full meal bella?" I ignored him. I've seen this routine on TV all the time.

"How often do you make yourself sick?"

Silence

"Do you hide food?"

silence

"Do you think your fat?"

silence

longer silence

"How often did you cut"

I can't take anymore of this.

"Please just let me go" I whispered with a tear.

They had another silent conversation.

"I think she needs it" Edward said to Carlisle.

Carlisle nodded in reply and turned to me.

"Im sorry about this Bella"

**Edward POV**

My sweet bella. We all heard the sound of her retching , i'd seen it with Alice just moments before. She's done it to herself. She is sick.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and Esme held back her hair. The worry in my family's thoughts screamed at me.

_Give her this_

I reached out to take the glass from Alice's hands and passed it to my Bella.

"I'm gonna go" She said getting up.

"No Bella ,we have to talk" I told her. She's in no state to go anywhere.

"There's nothing to talk about" She walked around me and headed for the door. Alice was easily in front of her blocking her path and i wrapped my arms around her tiny frame.

_Bring her to my office Edward._

"We _are _going to talk about this and were going to talk _now_" I lifted her of the ground and within moments placed her down in Carlisle's office.

Carlisle closed the door behind and stepped towards Bella.

"I warned you Bella. Do you remember? If you do anything reckless your going to a hospital, and now I think that's exactly where you need to be" He said to her. The whole family had talked about it. If she did anything else ,she would need professional help. It was best for her.

"No I won't go. I don't need to be there" She shouted. I wanted to hold her. Show her how much i loved her. But when i stepped forward ,she stepped back.

_Don't worry about it 's just angry. _Carlisle voice said.

"You don't even realise you need help Bella. Look at what your doing to yourself"

"I'm leaving" she said.

"Were not finished Bella" Carlisle said this while lifting her onto his desk and keeping her still.

_Edward , keep her here, i need to ask her a few questions._

I stepped forward and my hand moved to where Carlisle had just been. Her tiny arms felt like nothing, so delicate and frail. I stared into her eyes , trying to understand what was going on inside her she would do this. She stared back her eyes running over my features, I placed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Carlisle is going to ask you some questions Bella, you need to answer them truthfully"

As Carlisle asked her the questions she kept her face blank and ignored us both. I kept telling myself that as soon as she was 'd be better. But i was wrong. The more i look at her the more convinced i get that our intervention isn't making her any better. I don't want her to go to hospital.I only just got her back. But i don't think we have much of a choice.

"Please just let me go" She whispered.

_She's not gonna tell us anything, Do you want me to call the hospital?_

"I think she needs it" I answered.

"Im sorry about this Bella" Carlisle said to her then headed off to the phone.

Bella sat in silence and listened to Carlisle on the phone with a hospital in he hung up he came back to us.

"We'll be taking you to the hospital on Saturday 's the best thing for you"

"I don't need to go to a hospital"

"Take her to get some rest Edward" Carlisle said ignoring her statement.

Before she could argue i picked her up and took her to my room. And set her down on my bed.

"Sleep" I commanded.

She didn't argue. She looked at me for a few moments then rested her head on my pillow. Quickly drifting off.

**Bella POV**

I woke slowly. It was Friday. My last day before going to a fucking hospital. I was going to school surprise.I hate school ,but i need to get out of here. I washed and brushed my teeth and changed, Edward was in the room when i came back.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

"School"

"You don't have to go today Bella"

"I want Dragging me away tomorrow,so i wanna say bye to Faith" He flinched slightly as i said it.

"Faith. She's the one that gave you drugs" He questioned.

Bastard.

The rest of the Cullen's acted normal around me when we went down, They didn't try to force me to eat, They probably knew i wouldn't eat it. And if i didn't eat today they know the hospital will force me tomorrow.

Edward took me and Alice in his Volvo he drove at a normal pace for once.

When we pulled up , the whole school stared at .

I jumped out not bothering to wait for them. And looked over to where Faith usually parked. She was leaning casually against her bike. Cigarette in hand.

A relieved smile broke out on her face when she saw me and her arms where soon around my neck.

"Thank god" I heard her whisper. "Where the hell have you been I've been worried sick about you" She yelled.

I smiled ,at her concern.

"You shouldn't worry about me,yet ."

"Whats that supposed to mean"she said worried again.

"A certain family think im nuts and are forcing me to go to a hospital tomorrow" I could see Edward and Alice standing a few meters away from us , and hurt flashed there unbelievably beautiful faces.

Faith turned her head and smirked.

"You should tell that family to fuck off"

I laughed at her and said. "You're right i should. Hey Cullen's. Fuck off." I stuck my finger up at them and faith laughed.

"Do you want me to kick him in the balls for you"

"As much i'd love to see that .no."

"Are you gonna let them take you?"

"I don't have much choice.I just want to get the fuck in and out and be finished with it"

The bell rang after i finished and students started heading into school.

" I have English next , should we meet up?" She asked.

"Sure" I agreed.

I started walking towards my first lesson with Alice and Edward on either side of me.

This was gonna be fun.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Going skating today yay me. Wish me luck for Thursday ,it's the drama performance. I'm nervous.**

**YOU'LL HATE ME FOR THIS CHAPTER.**

**B/N-Yes, I do!!!**

Alice gave me a quick peck on the cheek outside our biology room, and locked eyes with Edward. Another one of their conversations. Did I mention how fucking annoying that is. What didn't they want me to hear?

She walked off, I noticed she didn't skip or have the same spring in her step she used to have. It was my fault. I'm poison. I destroy everything.

I walked into the biology room, ignoring all the stairs, whispers and shocked glances. I'd forgotten all about school this past week. What were people thinking? I disappear then turn up with Edward back.

_Oh fuck them_

I heard Faiths voice in my head so clearly it was like she was here. I sat down smirking, that's exactly what she would say.

"Something funny, Miss Swan?" The teacher asked, glaring at me.

Why did he hate me? I'd just this second sat down. What was his fucking problem?

The whole class turned towards me, waiting for my usual rude or sarcastic comeback. Mike had a huge grin on his face, he enjoyed this as much as I did.

"No nothing sir" I said innocently.

"There better not be"

"Not a fan of comedy sir?" I plastered a sweet smile on my face.

"If you say one more word Isabella, I'll have you escorted to the principal's office" He said in that "stop while you're ahead" tone he always used with me.

There was complete silence. I glanced at Edward's perfect face, he was telling me to give in and back down, while everyone else silently cheered me on.

I turned back to the teacher, looked him straight in the eye and said.

"One more word"

He turned a bright red and started screaming over the laughs erupting throughout the room.

"I want you out of this lesson miss swan, I'll be having a word with the principle. You will _not _be returning to my biology lessons. Mr Cullen, would you please take Isabella to the office, and make sure she gets there. I don't want her to wondering over to Narnia or tripping down a rabbit hole on her way there again."

I stood up and strode to the door, slamming it shut behind me and walking at a relaxed pace while giggling to myself.

I heard the door open and Edward walk up behind me.

"What was that Bella? You can't talk to people like that," he scolded.

"Don't care," I smiled.

We were getting closer to the toilets where Faith would be waiting, there was a pixie standing outside them.

"I saw your little show Bella," she said. "Charlie isn't going to be happy"

"Good" I pushed the door open but both Edwards and Alice's cold hands stopped me.

"You're not going in there with her" Edward stated.

"Oh really" I said stepping out of their grasp. Edward gave Alice a nod and pulled his cell out of his pocket.

I rolled my eyes and walked into the toilets. Alice followed right behind me and as we entered I took a deep breath of Faiths heavenly cigarette smoke.

"Hey B, you bought a friend" Faith greeted ,eyeing Alice up and down.

"More of a stalker. Got a cigarette?"

"Don't I always," she laughed handing one over.

"Bella no-" Alice interrupted.

"Take a fucking chill pill Tinkerbelle, it's just a fucking cigarette" It was quickly ripped from my fingers and thrown in the nearest toilet.

"What's her fucking problem?" Faith shouted. "Let's get out of here B"

We shot to the nearest window and began climbing through.

"Bella you can't do this," Alice said chasing after us.

"Why not, you gonna stop me?" I yelled back.

"Bella please, just let me take you home," she said gently.

"I'll be back later," I said quietly knowing she would hear me. I disappeared out the window, hearing Alice give a tired sigh as I went.

We walked quickly through the school, trying to avoid being seen by any teachers. When we got to the car park, I could see Carlisle being greeted by the head teacher. I wonder if the head phoned him or Edward did .Well fuck them both.

Carlisle glanced over and gave me a concerned look.

"Sorry Hun we got a place to be!" Faith yelled at them, she threw Carlisle a lust filled look and grabbed my hand pulling me to her motor bike.

"Isabella Swan, get to my office NOW, the school's had enough of your behaviour. If you leave now don't think about coming back" He fumed. Wow he was pissed.

"Let me have a word with her" Carlisle said stepping towards me. He pulled me aside and almost whispered.

"Why don't we go inside and talk Bella. You know schools important, and you're a smart girl you don't want to ruin your future now by getting expelled" his eyes full of fatherly concern.

"School isn't important to me anymore. I got to go. Bye." I said cheekily. I got on the back of the bike and held on to Faith.

We got going pretty quickly and speed down the puddle covered road.

It was all like it was before. We got to her house, got dressed, had some vodka, got on Leo and the terminator and headed off to a party. I'd missed my bike so the taste of vodka more.

The party was really going when we got there. Why stay in school when you can come here? Alcohol was being passed round the dancing people and little bags of white and syringes where in piles on the floor.

"Here you go B, I know you want it" Faith smiled handing over a syringe. I didn't return the smile at first. More drugs would mean more withdrawals.

_I don't have to go back to them; I can just go back to what it was before. I won't need to stop taking them._

I smiled wide a grabbed the syringe, putting the needle into my arm and feeling the drugs shoot round me.

The high was instantaneous and faith grabbed me and started dancing with me.

_There's a place downtown,_

_Where the freaks all come around._

_It's a hole in the wall._

_It's a dirty free for all._

I was handed a bottle of something and took some long gulps.

_And now we lookin' like pimps  
In my gold Trans-Am.  
Got a water bottle full of whisky  
In my handbag.  
Got my drunk text on  
I'll regret it in the mornin'  
But tonight  
I don't give a  
I don't give a  
I don't give a_

I was completely smashed, I think everyone was.

People were being sick passing out and laughing at nothing as they fumbled about .There was no problems here just fun. I love it. The Cullen's can't tell me to stop doing this.

_Lose your mind.  
Lose it now.  
Lose your clothes  
In the crowd.  
We're delirious.  
Tear it down  
'Til the sun comes back around._

Everything was so jumbled; I was doing things without seeing. I was following faith and some guy had his arm around me. He had a bike and was mumbling about a race. Everyone was screaming out different names of who they wanted to win. Part of me knew how completely stupid this was. But I don't care.

Someone marked out a starting line, and the 3 of us lined up, revving our engines. The rush was amazing; wind in my hair .I is almost flying down the road. I feel completely nothing can stop me.

The sound of car engines coming up behind me startled me. I jerked my head back to see a black Mercedes and a shiny silver Volvo.

"Fuck" I screamed.

We pushed the bikes harder, trying to escape.

Why the fuck were they here?

2 more lights next to me blinded me. An eye widened and my body tensed in shock. The truck driver slammed the breaks, making them screech and squeal.

There was no time for me to stop, it hit straight into Faith with a startling force. She let out a strangled scream before she disappeared beneath its wheels.

This was my is it. I'm going to die right.

I was smashed against the window. Glass shattering and ripping my skin like it was nothing but head gave a loud crack as it bounced off the pavement and my legs felt like a tank a rolled over them.

The silence that followed was broken by an angel calling my name.

**B/N Hey guys, im marsbareater12 the new beta. I love this story, and I'd love it if u check out mine. Anyway...ummm...yeah!**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Big thanks to my Beta ,she's amazing! Thursday went really well, didn't mess up any of my lines but the blackouts between scenes went on for ages! So yeah…Hope I pass.**

**Sorry for the wait, a member of my family found out she has cancer so it's been really hectic here.**

**Went skating yesterday. I'm gonna start lessons soon. I'm so excited!**

**Disclaimer:I OWN NOTHING ,NO TWILIGHT ,BUFFY OR SONGS**

**Any who ,on with the story.**

**B/N Wow, this took me a while to edit. Great! Im so happy ur back on ff, and im so sorry for the cancer **

**Bella POV**

My body was numb with shock and blinding pain, I could feel blood pooling around me, the smell hitting my nostrils making me cough. Blood spluttered out my mouth with each cough and more trickled from my nose.

I forced my eyes open to take in the scene around me. My precious bike was now mangled and lying heavily against my leg. The now unmoving truck was right next to my bike, crushing the back of it.

I was slowly becoming more aware of the pain, my mind now sober with shock. My angel was above me; his cold hand brushed my cheek.

"Shhhh, it's ok love, just stay still." He leaned in to kiss my lips softly.

What happened to Faith? The image of her bike smashing against the truck flashed through me.

"Faith?" I rasped, more blood slipping out my mouth. Carlisle was kneeling next to me his cold hands checking my injuries. He and Edward looked briefly at each other then looked back at me.

"Stay still sweetie" Carlisle said. Both ignoring my question.

I stared into Edwards eyes, he was whispering sweet nothings. Alice stood a few metres away with Esme. They were kneeling over a body. Faiths.

She was mostly covered by the truck, her legs trapped under her and her arms sticking out unnaturally.

"We have to move Bella _now_" Edward said to Carlisle. He received a questioning look but Carlisle quickly but gently lifted the broken bike from my legs, while metal clawed and ripped at my skin. When it was over I was held in Carlisle's arms. I bit back a scream of pain as the movement shook through me.

"What is it Edward?" He asked.

"The truck" he said vaguely.

I turned my head as much as I could to look, Esme and Alice were no longer next to Faith, and smoke was pouring out of the truck, flames engulfing it in seconds. Why weren't they helping her?

"Help her. Please help her. I'll do anything" I begged.

Edward stood in front of me blocking my view. Why were they just standing here? I started sobbing. Faith was burning. The smell of burning flesh surrounded me. This isn't happening. This _can't _be happening.

I was pulled closer to Carlisle's shoulder, and then I dissolved into nothing.

* * *

I woke to a beeping noise. You know what I mean, the one noise that can make you panic. When you desperately try to remember what the hell put you in here.

I remember, I remember everything. The deafening noise as the truck hit, the blinding pain that followed and the stench of burning flesh. It was so clear in my mind, my body began to retch. Cold arms steadied me; I was leaning against Edwards' chest while Esme held out a bucket for me to throw up in.

They must be disgusted with me. They have all there godly glory and I'm this pathetic thing.

"It's ok love" Edward whispered, rubbing my back soothingly.

When I was finished, I gladly accepted a glass of water and took a few sips.

My head was throbbing, and there was a continuous pain in my shoulder and chest. I winced, unfortunately attracting attention.

"Would you like more for the pain" Edward asked.

"No, thank you," I rasped.

He nodded towards Carlisle, who then left and returned with a needle and began injecting it into my IV. I didn't need to ask what it was, they were giving me something for the pain whether I liked it or not. I glanced round the room, it wasn't a hospital room. We were at the Cullen's house.

"You should rest now Bella," Carlisle told me.

He began listing my injuries, while I half listened. I dislocated a shoulder, cracked some ribs, and broke a few fingers, a severe concussion, blah blah blah. There was something I needed to ask them. I already knew the answer, but I hoped to god I was wrong.

"Is Faith dead?" It was followed with silence and the present Cullen's shared a look.

"Either she is or she isn't just tell me," I said impatiently.

"I'm very sorry Bella," Carlisle started full of compassion "She passed instantly ,there was no pain."

I nodded and silent tears began to fall.

* * *

It had been one week since the accident. Carlisle and Jasper had decided that I needed to be around family instead of going to the hospital I'd been threatened with. I'd spent most of my time in bed with one of them usually sitting with me. Even Rosalie. We weren't best friends, but it seemed that she was trying to be nice.

It was Faiths funeral today. I was aware it hadn't completely hit me yet, that she was never coming back and I'm dreading the time it does. It was going to be a small ceremony, a few kids from school she hardly spoke to and her dad. I was going and so were the Cullen's, I don't want to go, it will just make it real. Prove I'm not dreaming. Please God let me wake up now. Their making me go, saying it will help me move on, but what do they know. Everyone they love can never die.

I'd managed to convince them to take me home after the fune... funeral, for one night in my own bed. During the day, I had to have someone with me, and then Charlie would watch me when they left. And I'm certain Edward will appear to watch me sleep, with Alice watching my every move constantly as well.

I'd gone back to being zombie today, spoke when spoken to , did what they told me to. I ate breakfast without making a fuss and let Alice dress me for the funeral.

They'd been walking on eggshells around me all morning not knowing what to say, waiting for me to break. It was suffocating. The ride to the cemetery was even worse.

I had been greeted by Faiths dad, he was sober. Her death had shocked some sense into him, He said he was clean and sober and is never going to hurt anyone again. If only he'd thought of that before it was too late.

Edwards' arms wrapped securely round my waist as we listened to the priest. Actually while he listened. I was too busy staring at the gravestone.

_You said yourself before, where are you?_

_I'm needing you much more, I guess you never knew_

_And now everything, is gonna fall apart_

_I need you here, not just in my heart_

_This wasn't how it's supposed to be (In loving memory)_

_And now I'm torn with misery (In loving memory)_

_I won't forget you please don't me (In loving memory)_

_This wasn't how it's supposed to be (In loving memory)_

In dark bold letters it said-

_In loving Memory of Faith Lehane._

**AN: This was a lot longer, but i kinda turned the computer off before . Sorry for the wait.**

**I might redo this chappie.**

**IMPORTANT- My new story should be up soon please read.**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: I Want to start off by saying. I AM NOT GIVVING UP ON THIS STORY. I know I haven't updated in forever and I'm sorry that I won't be updating for a few weeks. I have a skating test next week and the weeks after I have GCSE's. so there will be no updates for 2 weeks. **

**I think I'm depressed , I just don't have the motivation to do anything anymore and I just don't seem to care about anything right now. It's worrying me , the exams I know are important but I just don't have it in me to care or find the effort to revise. If anyone reading can help . Please do.**

**PS. I'm not being pervy , I'm just curious , how old are the people reading this?**


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Hey , don't panic I'm not dead. Just needed a break , but I'm back now :P

**A huge thanks to Rhonda , this probably wouldn't have been written without you. ; )**

**Bella POV**

Edward had to carry me from the grave ,after I'd stood staring for an hour after the funeral had finished. He put me into the back of one of the Cullen cars and sat with me , while Esme drove.

I feel numb , the whole from Edwards leaving , barley healed , had been ripped open all over again. It won't go away , I'm to damaged now .It will forever be there , there's nothing I can ever do to make it go away. Unless…

Stop. I can't think like that. Yet. I don't want Alice getting a vision to soon.

I'm lifted out of the car by Edward and I bury my face in his chest. Charlie holds the door open for us both and I'm soon placed on the couch. I don't want to look at anyone so I stare at the wall ,Ignoring there questions. I'm not hungry or tired and I don't need anything. Can they go now?

Alice is my first watcher and Charlie leaves for work. She sits down beside me and pulls me into a hug , and I start to cry .Cry for Faith ,cry for all the crap that has happened and cry with the knowledge that this will be the last hug I get from Alice. She holds on tighter to me and sobs with me ,whispering comfort and apologies.

That's how Charlie found us , sobbing on the couch. He cleared his throat , uncomfortable with the emotion in the room.

" I'm sorry Charlie" Alice whisperers getting up. She kisses me on the cheek and gives me one last hug. " I better get home"

She whispered something in Charlie's ear as she hugged him ,which I guess was a 'watch her'. I don't see what difference Charlie watching me makes ,when I've got someone like Alice watching.

'Hey bells' He says sitting down. 'It's good that your home ,even just for one night' he says.

I look at him for a moment but don't respond ,I go back to staring at the wall. The next hour was torture for me , I needed to get out of here , I need to do something.

I stand on shaky legs and start up the stairs ,maybe I left a pack of cigarettes or something up there.

'Bells , your supposed to stay down here where I can see you' Charlie says gently.

'I'm just going to bed dad , relax' I lie. He thinks about it for a moment and nods tiredly.

I close the door behind me and look at the clock , I had about 2 hours before Alice came back to 'sleepover' and Edward snuck into my room.

I sunk onto my bed and put one hand on my chest. The pain as strong as ever , throbbing like a physical wound. I have to end it , it has to stop. I can't spend one more day like this.

I just need to get them away long enough. La push. The treaty. They can't cross. Why didn't I think of this before?

I change quickly into black jeans and a V-neck. Pull on some trainers and tip-toed down stairs. Charlie was asleep in front of the TV. A small smile tugged at my lips , I gave him a quick kiss and whisper.

'I love you Dad' Maybe I should leave him a note? No , you don't have time , I tell myself . Alice could have already seen me leaving.

The drive to La push seemed to take forever , I could see the welcome to La push sign , but I could also see Alice's car far behind me. I made it past the line before she reached me and avoided looking back. They wouldn't come it to La push would they? They can't risk the treaty.

I found a cliff , It was dizzyingly high , with a huge drop to the black stormy waters below. All I had to do was jump . No more pain. I took a few steps closer to the edge and looked down. Dieing is easy , it's living that's hard. It will be over soon. Just one more step.

I have one last look back. Movie weekends with Renee , Late nights talking with Edward , Shopping with Alice , Bear hugs from Emmett , Hugs from Esme , Carlisle's story's , Jasper's calm . Then memories from later , going to party's with faith , We used to laugh so hard . I was almost in the past , hearing her laugh. 'Is that you B' Her voice rang through my head. I was back at every party , morning hangover , stupid prank. The tears fell with each memory. Sneaking out of school together , the time she threw her drink all over Mr Berty.

How could she be gone? Why did she have to leave? Was her death the price I had to pay to have the Cullen's back?

_"Where you going" I slurred down at her._

_"Meet me tomorrow at my house ,your gonna love this" She shouted back and ran of down the road._

_"I have an idea" She smiled._

_"You said that yesterday. What are your brilliant ideas Wise one?"_

_She laughed. "Follow me"_

_I jumped out not bothering to wait for them. And looked over to where Faith usually parked. She was leaning casually against her bike. Cigarette in hand._

_A relieved smile broke out on her face when she saw me and her arms where soon around my neck._

_"Thank god" I heard her whisper. "Where the hell have you been I've been worried sick about you" She yelled._

It's my fault she's dead , I should never have told her about the bikes .The added wait of guilt made the pain in my chest sting like some hade shoved a hot poker through me.

_Time has run out, for me._

_Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe._

_It's so hard, lost in the world confusion._

_And I need to leave, for a while._

_Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile._

_So goodbye, I'll miss you_

God , I miss her. Who's going to get high with me? , or sneak out a toilet window at school? Who's going to come up with something stupid and dangerous just cause were bored? I laughed. We were both crazy.

There's a gap now. A huge gap in my life. It can never be filled , I love every Cullen , but the gapping hole that faith took with her can never be replaced. I never would have survived Edwards leaving if she hadn't been here. I would of done this months ago. I closed my eyes and breathed in the salty air.

_And I'm sorry, but this is my fate._

_Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay._

_And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long._

_So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me._

_I'm not worth any tears._

'_You ok B' _My eyes snapped open , Faith was next to me. She looked at me curiously.

'_What ya doing' _She asked casually. Wow , first I saw Edward and now Faith. I'm a lunatic!

'I…uh. I was coming to see you actually' I replied my eyes wide.

'_Already? I can wait you know'_

'It's OK , I'm ready'

_It's been the years, of abuse._

_Neglected to treat the disorder,_

_That controls my youth, for so long._

_I'm in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground._

_It's no use, why should I hold on?_

_It's been five years, don't need one more._

_So goodbye, life's abuse._

She paused for a moment then smiled. _'Let's get out of here B' _Part of me realised , what she was saying where from memories but the other part wondered , Is she really here?

I gasped as she dropped of the edge and into the water. I took a few seconds and stepped forward.

'Bella , don't" Cold arms wrapped around me. God no. Please just let me do this.

'No please , I need this' I said trying to shake of the vampire stopping me.

'I know you feel like that now sweetie , but I _promise _you it will get better , trust me' It was Esme.

'No it won't , just let me go. Please!"

'I've already lost one child , I will not lose another.' She pulled me back slightly and turned me away from the edge. She can't do this. She has to let me go.

Edward came out of the woods a few metres away the rest of the family behind him. I can't end it now. Not with them all her to stop me.

'Bella Love , please come back with us' Edward said trying to stay calm.

Alice ,Carlisle and Edward started to walk closer to me and Esme , I tried to take a step back but esme stopped me.

'Bella you don't want this'

'yes I do , now please let me go' I pulled out her arms and went back to the very edge of the cliff.

'Bella please , please I need you' Edward said.

'No you don't , You're all better of without me' I sobbed , it was true. If it wasn't for me faith wouldn't be dead.

'Bella' Esme says reaching for my hand ' I know what you feel like ,I've been there ,remember. But this won't help , please , come home Bella'

I sighed , maybe she was right , what if the pain does go?. But then again ,what if it doesn't?

I close my eye's to stop the tears and I jump forward. The screams from the Vampires above erupt . Some one grabs me and I'm pulled against there chest. Shit. There going to save me. I can tell it's Esme , she won't let the same happen to me. As we fly down the cliff , I struggle out of there arms but there still cushioning my fall as we hit the water. isn't going to work.

For the brief seconds under water , I see Faith. And even under the water I hear her in my head.

_"Hey B, you bought a friend"_

Always laughing!

I give up before she pulls me out of the water , there's no point staying awake much longer so I let unconsciousness take over.

**AN: Do you want this fic to have a happy or sad ending?**


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